Betrayed by Granny Panties
Humor | Self
Don’t get me wrong. 100% cotton, full coverage, reliable granny panties are amazing. They stay on, they stay up, they are comfortable. You gain weight; they stretch right along with your stretch marks. They hug you close like your mom hugs you when she knows you’ve had a bad day.
However, when you lose weight, they will betray you.
Problems in your pants
You were happy when your waistband loosened a tad. What you didn’t anticipate was that for every quarter inch your pants slid down, your underwear slid a full inch. You’ve been in some random store for an hour. You’ve pulled your pants up a few times which add up to your underwear now being somewhere way below where they should be yet not quite completely below your bottom. Do you attempt a quick grab in the empty frozen food aisle to yank them back up?
Problems in your Leggings
Leggings around the house are easy and require no thought. Until you bend down, your shirt rides up, and your child asks if you are growing a tail? What?! You feel the back of your leggings. There is the newly discovered extra fabric from your granny panties bunched up and bumping out.
Problems in your Skirt
Think again if you think a skirt is the safe bet. Unfortunately, in a skirt, you realize your behind has lost junk in its trunk. The bottom of your underwear is loose and hanging like your old childhood swimsuit when it drooped along behind your body while getting out of the pool. When walking the office circuit, the backside of your underwear rocks with each step. The cotton smacks you in the backside repeating the mantra in a metronome tick: “Buy smaller underwear. Buy smaller underwear.”
Finally in your drawer
Go buy some new underwear! Celebrate the fact that you are buying a size down and not a size up. Your pants, your leggings, and your skirts will thank you.
