Eldest, Middle, Youngest, and Me
How dynamic changes with the interaction
When you think of your children, you never think of them as one single unit. You can’t. Each has their own feelings, their own attitude, their own view on the world. Thus, your interaction with each of your children differs. With one, you may be more playful, with another you quell your competitiveness. The dynamic between you and your child shifts depending on with which child you are interacting. Drawing on personal experience below are three examples showing how wildly different the dynamic is between myself and each of my children in varying situations.
Noel the Eldest
She tells it like it is — in her way of thinking, at least. She has no idea how to cover up frustration, not roll her eyes, or be judgey. She wears all of her oversized, dramatic musical theater nerd feelings on her sleeve.
A phone dialogue between Noel and myself in one act
Noel: What’s that noise?
Me: Oh, Chloe is telling me who is walking past the house.
Noel: Mom, get her off the couch. You know she’s not supposed to be up there.
Me: Who said she’s on the couch? She probably heard someone through the door.
Noel: If she’s barking like that, she’s on the couch.
Me: I’m sure she’s fine.
Noel: The dogs aren’t allowed on the furniture.
Me: What did you say? Chloe is really loud.
Noel: This is why she walks all over you. Drew does the same thing.
Me: Drew? When did he come into the conversation? He’s not on the couch either.
Noel: (Sigh)
Caroline, the Middle
The quietest — she truly is the middlest of middle children. She’s thoughtful, empathetic, laid back, but still able to get stuff done — when necessary. She is the one who observes first and then decides whether or not to engage.
A dialogue between Caroline and myself which reminds Caroline why she sets boundaries
Me: Caro-latte, would you help me?
Caroline: Yes, but I also have stuff to do.
Me: What do you have to do? Would you stamp this envelope, please? Make sure the stamp is upright otherwise all of the love falls out before the card reaches your grandma.
Caroline: I have 13 different homework assignments this week.
Me: Wow! That’s a lot. Do you have time to take this card to the post office?
Caroline: I’ll leave a little early for work.
Me: Make sure you take it inside. Don’t just drop it off in the drive-thru mailbox. I want to make sure Grandma gets her mail this time.
Caroline: Okay. I’m going now.
Me: Would you read the directions on the cauliflower rice in the freezer? I’ve never made it before.
Caroline: This is the last thing. If you need something else, wake up Drew.
Me: Okay, but since you are already in the freezer, could you find the broccoli and put it with the cauliflower rice?
Caroline: Mom!
ME: Okay! Okay! I’m done. Thanks for all of the help!
Drew the Youngest
He is the most like me personality wise. I crack a joke, he does the rim shot, and we both laugh even when no one else gets it. Unfortunately, being the youngest and the only boy, he does his best to assert himself as alpha. It never goes well.
A dialogue between Drew and myself while shopping
Me: Ooh, avocadoes! How much are avocadoes today?
Drew: You don’t need avocadoes.
Me: I need all of the healthy fat I can get.
Drew: I’m sure there is healthy fat in some of the other billion things already in the cart.
Me: Just look at the avocadoes, please. Then we’ll be done.
Drew: I don’t even know where they are.
Me: I can smell produce. What’s this?
Drew: Put the lemon back into that person’s cart, Mom. I’m so sorry, Ma’am. She’s blind.
Me: Dang. Sorry! Drew! Why didn’t you stop me?!
Drew: There’s no stopping you.
Me: Where are the avocadoes? Wait? What was that by my head.
Drew: I was tossing an avocado into the cart. I missed.
Me: Now you are throwing produce at a blind girl?
Drew: Head’s up! Here comes another!
Me: Do you actually expect me to catch something?
Drew: Oh, crap. Sorry, sir! Here, I’ll take that back. Are you okay?
A man clears his throat behind me.
Me: Hey, Stu! How’s the wife and kids?
Stu: All doing well, Miss Lee.
Me: Watching us from the video cameras again? How’d you do?
Stu: You lost me ten bucks.
Drew: Hey, Stu! How do you do?!
Stu: That rhyme never loses its appeal, Drew.
Me: Since you have to escort us now anyway, will you help Drew load the car? He broke the eggs last time.
Stu: My pleasure, Miss Lee.
Drew: Stu! Heads up!
At the end of the day
Every interaction between your child and yourself is memory building. When evening becomes night, I find myself looking back at the days’ interactions and marvel at the people my children have become. I also thank goodness Drew and I did not wind up in jail…this time.
