How To Come Home To An Empty House And Still Be Able To Open The Door

Your long-time roommate/partner/significant other just moved out. Your spouse just passed away. As a single parent, you help your last child head off to college. And now it is just you in a very quiet house. Sometimes there is time to emotionally prepare for this day, a lot of times the emptiness sneaks up without warning. No matter how it happens, you find yourself coming home one night, facing the front door and realizing no one will greet you. It sounds strange, but you need to learn how to live alone. It will take time, but there are a number of skills you can focus on to help you cope.

Create A Daily Routine

Start simple and focus on things you already do and are used to doing on a daily or weekly basis. These give you something to look forward to doing, you have time to mentally prepare to do them, and know you will have to do them. Grocery shopping on Thursday evenings, clean the bathroom on Tuesday mornings, call a close friend Saturday afternoons. Writing down action lists and posting them where you can see them will keep priorities at the forefront of your mind and keep you moving forward. As more daily and weekly items are checked off, start thinking of long-term goals. Vacation in 6 months? Replace the hideous carpet in the hallway?

· However, there will be days when it is all you can do just to get out of bed to use the bathroom. Getting used to loneliness is a one-step-at-a-time process. There will be days when the regular routine just isn’t going to cut it. Be prepared for these days by having a back-up plan with smaller tasks to accomplish. List items like make bed — which gives you a reason to get out of bed, savor coffee — enjoy 2 cups if you want to go crazy, send a correspondence to a friend — you are still reaching out to the outside world even if you don’t manage to physically make it outside. When you wake up the next day, try to pick up with the regular routine.

Adopt A Pet

This may be the perfect time to adopt a 4-legged friend. Or if that sounds like too much to take on right now, you could become a foster parent or volunteer at the local rescue shelter where you can walk and play with different animals. This opportunity is great for your emotional and social state not to mention the animal will love the attention it receives.

· If you aren’t ready to deal with potty-training a dog yet, try planting some herbs. Lavender, rosemary, basil, and mint are wonderful plants to have around the house for their calming aromas, their contribution to the atmosphere in the house, and they also require minimal care.

Stay Socially Engaged

Getting out of the house allows your brain to stop circling through all of the lonely thoughts your brain can possibly come up with, and there are many. Big cities offer all kinds of clubs and activities but don’t give up on the small towns either. Library book clubs, walking clubs, knitting circles — they all love to see new members join, and if you don’t know how to knit but have always wanted to learn, this is the perfect time for someone to walk you through the steps. Volunteer at a food pantry, church, nursing home, or like mentioned previously, an animal shelter.

· Don’t feel like conversing with people? Grab a book and read at the local coffee shop. You are still out thus giving your mind a break from its endless circles it follows at home. You are with others but still able to be in your own comfortable space.

Listen To Music

Happy, upbeat music will just naturally lift your spirit. Sing aloud as you fold laundry or wash the dishes. Lights and television are also good ways to feel more comfortable when you walk in the door. Seeing a light on in the window just psychologically makes a house more welcoming. Walking in to music or conversation can distract from a now empty silence.

· Now is the time to reinvent the inside of your house. Have dinner parties. Invite your closest friend to tea. Invite the grandchildren over. Having social gatherings in your own home fills the rooms with a new chapter of laughter and life. And when you have the dinner, party, or gathering, you can control who actually is over and who you spend time with depending on how you are feeling.

Embrace Solitude

This is the point at which you want to find yourself. Embrace and enjoy living by yourself. Dance naked in your living room! Ugly cry at the Hallmark movies. Read every book that catches your interest for as long as you want to read. Change around the furniture. Add some beautiful cherry red, sunburst orange, and sunflower yellow pillows to the couches. Put a vase of daisies in the bathroom. Pretty spots of color around the house can instantly change a mood.

· Of course you aren’t going to be happy all of the time. All feelings should be felt and acknowledged. Journal. Write about anything — the silly, your introspective thoughts, the mundane or just doodle.

Seek The Support Of A Professional

This suggestion should be considered and revisited through all aspects of learning how to live alone. Depending on the reasons you now find yourself alone, a grief counselor right at the very beginning of this new stage in your life may work well to help you on your way. If your child has been gone for a month at college or the door has just closed behind your last roommate/partner/significant other and now you find yourself struggling, make an appointment. Anytime you feel that the emptiness in your house is bigger than you can handle, seek help.

· If you are not ready to reach out to the professionals, seek out a close family member or friend to be a confidante; someone who can listen and will have positive things to say.

At The End Of The Day

After spending time knowing someone else was just a room away, being by yourself can seem daunting. The realization that you are now on your own will hit you at some point, and when it hits, what will you do? With the above tips guiding you, you can lead your best independent life going forward.