Morning Barking Translated
Insanity is doing the same thing Over and Over but expecting different results. –Rita Mae Brown, mystery writer, in her book Sudden Death
When does Chloe the hound dog bark? All of the time, it seems. Dogs are driven by basics — food, attention, bathroom, danger, etc. At this point, you are pretty sure you can translate her many barks — and there are many, many barks.
7:15 a.m. Territorial Barking
Chloe patiently sits for her lead to be attached. On your command, she zooms out the front door for her morning visit to the grounds. You have barely closed the door before you hear her first barks.
“I’m back! My territory! Stay out!”
You open the door back up.
She looks at you. She wags her tail. She is silent. Nothing to see here, Mom.
You shut the door.
The barks start up. You hope the neighbors don’t call the cops again.
7:43 a.m. Alert Barking
Chloe isn’t supposed to be on the couch watching out the window like a nosey old neighbor with binoculars, but she is.
The first morning jogger runs by.
“Mom! Mom! Danger! Trespasser!”
You walk into the living room. You scold her off of the couch.
8:15 a.m. Excitement Barking
“Mom! Mom! School bus time! Look at the kids! Mom! I wanna play!”
You walk into the living room. You scold her off of the couch.
9:05 a.m. Aggressive Barking
Unfortunately, you have a package being delivered today. Chloe goes into overdrive.
“Get off my lawn, you dirty, harmful, dangerous person! Mom! Help! Let me at him! I’ll protect you, Mom! Let me outside! I know how to deal with this guy!”
You jog into the living room before she breaks through the front window. It takes several scoldings for her to remember she’s not supposed to be on the couch. You consider, yet again, looking into one of those Amazon pick-up locations.
9:15 a.m. Attention Barking
Chloe wanders into your office.
“Mom! Wow! That was a lot of barking! I think I need to pee!”
You praise her for not being on the couch.
9:20 a.m. Territorial Barking
“Ha! I’m back, world! My territory!”
You pull the door open again.
Silence. She’s good as gold.
9:59 a.m. Anxious Barking
“Mom! Nothing has happened! Mom! This is weird! Mom! I’m freaking out!”
You return to the living room. You scold her off the couch.
10:05 a.m. Excitement Barking
“Oh, wait! There’s a squirrel! Mom!”
You scold her off of the couch. You think about moving the couch.
11:00 a.m. Silence
This time you are drawn out of your office by the LACK of barking. Chloe is on the couch, snoring. You scold her off of the couch and usher her to her dog bed.
11:15 a.m. Alert Barking
“Mom! Those gossipy ladies are walking past the house again! Mom! They are looking at my poop in the yard! No one eats that poop but me!!”
You scold her off the couch. You kick yourself for waking her up in the first place. You stay out of the line of sight from the window to avoid the ladies seeing you.
On the plus side
The barking may be annoying, but there are positives.
· You hit 10,000 steps by noon.
· Your eyes get a blue light break every time you have to chase her off of the couch.
· The barking seems to be only a morning thing.
· The cops are usually called only once a month.
So by midday, you have to ask yourself — who is the insane one here? You or Chloe?
