The Hazards of Walking Your Dog in the Midwest Fall
The USDA Climate Hub refers to the Midwest as “the land of extremes.” With the climate out of control, the extremes are getting worse. Be that is it may, your dog still needs exercise not to mention walking is good for your own heart. When it comes to walking in the fall months, however, Midwesterners have to step up to that challenge. You never know what the weather is going to be like on any given day. You just have to tie your shoes a little tighter, convince the dog to follow you outside, and hope for sun.
Author’s Note: All weather definitions have been paraphrased from the Merriam Webster dictionary.
The last of an Indian Summer Sunday
· Indian Summer: a period of warm, dry, and mild weather in Autumn
To other regions of the country, the mid-60s would be considered jacket weather. In the Midwest, however, you are in short sleeves and sandals walking Chloe the hound dog around the block. The weather is perfect; the leaves are bursting with color as they fall off the trees at your feet. May Indian Summer never end.
Monday’s Pea Soup Fog
· Fog: A massive cloud consisting of water droplets hovering near the earth’s surface
Indian summer baked the ground. The nights cooled the air. So today you are in a thick pea soup fog ocean. You can only see about 3 foot of the sidewalk in front of you so you rely on Chloe to get you both around the block and back home. She only runs you into every other Midwesterner out trying to walk their own dogs. You arrive back home after your walk with soaked clothing, frizzed hair, and…someone else’s dog?!
Double Feature Tuesday
· Derecho: widespread, long-lived straight-lined windstorm
· Mesoscale: Fast moving severe thunderstorms
Chloe tried to tell you by hiding your windbreaker, but you decided to chance walking her. You are a Midwesterner and made of stronger stuff than a little wind and rain. Unfortunately, that “little wind” turned into a derecho with severe thunderstorms. Now Chloe is giving you the hairy eyeball from her precarious perch in the neighbor’s tree, there is a branch through your garage roof, and you are drenched with hands on hips.
Rainy Wednesday
· Rain: water falling from the sky
You are so tired of being wet. You walk Chloe today in full rain gear — galoshes, slicker, and rain hat with the hood from the slicker pulled up over it. You realize your missing article of protection as you stand waiting to cross the street. A car hits the puddle in front of you. Well, you thought it was just a puddle. It turned out to be a monster sized pothole with a lake of water in it. Like a tsunami, the muddy, gritty water splashes all over you and Chloe. Your jeans are soaked. Your galoshes are full of dirt. Mud-covered Chloe is, once again, giving you the hairy eyeball. You just realized now why your dad always said waders are not just for fly fishing.
Frosty Thursday
· Frost: a covering of minute ice particles on any cold surface
Frost is so pretty but not so great to walk on. Chloe takes great advantage of this fact by pulling just a little bit harder on her leash. The bottoms of your flat sneakers are perfect for her to just pull you along over the paper thin layer of ice on the morning walk. You have added a knit hat and some light gloves to your outdoor ensemble but are most grateful for your heaviest of fall jackets for its length as you lose your footing and fall on your butt. You know Chloe is laughing as she looks back at you.
Surprise Friday Sun
· Sunshine: the warmth and light given by the sun’s rays
It has been so long since you saw it last, you can hardly believe the sun is shining today. You quickly throw on jeans, sneakers, and a sweatshirt. No jacket today because the sun is out! After all of the wind and rain it takes some coaxing to convince Chloe to join you on this walk, but after about 2 blocks she starts enjoying the sun on her face as well.
Saturday Graupel
· Graupel: granular snow pellets, also known as soft hail
There does come a time, even for Midwesterners when enough is enough. That day comes on Saturday. Dressed in a regular fall jacket, you open the door with Chloe at your heels. You both just stop. Everything is covered in a white wedding cake frosting of graupel. Five minutes later, you are back in jammies with thick socks. Ensconced in fluffy warm blankets, you make room on the couch for Chloe before turning on Netflix.
In Conclusion
Rain, wind, sun, more rain, fog — as a Midwesterner, you have seen it all and tried to walk through most of it. Every once in a while, however, it is nice to set aside that walk for tomorrow. On a graupel day, Chloe is sure to agree.
