You’re Just Here For Your Coffee
The Set-Up
Are you scouring the internet? Are you bribing baristas in back alleys to find out? According to CoffeeAtThree, you can order your holiday drink and receive your collectible reusable Starbucks reusable Red Cup on Thursday, November 17, 2022. You have been warned.
The Considerations
How determined are you? How badly do you want your everyday fresh cup of joe? Because on November 17, Alexa is going to actually laugh at you when you ask her to place your usual Starbucks mobile order on your way out the door. How delicious that you thought mobile ordering would actually work and give you a leg up past the Red Cups.
The Preparations
Will you be willing to leave for work so early that not even the sun has yet realized the day has started? Will you have what it takes to pass every vehicle you come across because you know they are heading to the same place you are? Be prepared for the Starbucks drive-thru to be so backed up you won’t find the parking lot.
The Actions
Where did you put your most secure fitting pair of shoes? How are your balancing skills? Secure shoes and good balance will be the keys to climbing over all of the mommy groups, basic teens, and retired social walkers who will be all stacked upon each other waiting for their holiday drinks at the pick-up counter. No one will be leaving without their red cups.
The Drink
Will you be a venti quad shot chestnut praline made hot with breve? Perhaps you have your taste buds geared up for a tall iced sugar cookie almondmilk latte? Of course not! To say it outloud is a sin, but (insert gasp here) you don’t want a Red Cup. You just want the normal fresh start to your day — 6 shots of espresso over ice with 2 pumps of white mocha in a grande cup.
The Plan
Will your favorite barista come through for you? Will a recognizable drink filled with pure joy just happen to randomly meet you at the register as you get ready to pay? You could almost cry at how lovely and right everything is with the world. Sure, the baristas may have helped you silently jump the line but none of those trendy Red Cup status symbol obsessed groupies will stop you from walking out the door. You don’t have a Red Cup. You are just a pedestrian to them.
The Results
Before you leave will you generously tip the baristas for their help in getting you quickly through the Red Cup population in their store? Will you step outside, take a drink, and savor the flavor of your addiction? Yes. Yes you will. And Without your shots in a Red Cup, the flavor will still be glorious.
Author’s Note: On this Thursday, November 17, 2022, good luck to all of the Starbucks patrons who just would like their usual cup of coffee! May your wait in line be short.
